I am Struggling with the Struggle

Before reading this, grab your favorite drink and find a quiet place. This is intentional and a well needed time with Jesus.

 I am Struggling with the Struggle

Good morning, afternoon, and evening

I am a few days late posting May’s blog, but I continue to learn to give myself (and others) grace. Recently, I have decided to go back to my previous ways in how I would spend time with God. Currently, I read my Word, listen to music, might watch a podcast, or just sit staring out the window.

But many years ago, I started my relationship with the Lord by reading my Bible and Bible studies geared towards vulnerability. You know those studies that go directly to the heart. The ones you don’t even make it past the first sentence or paragraph.

Those studies helped me learn the Word, and more importantly, it revealed how I show up in my relationship with Jesus. It is how I learned and continue to learn to be vulnerable with the Lord. It is how I learned to be vulnerable with myself. It is how I learned to be vulnerable with others.

So what does this have to do with May’s DM blog?                 

Everything.

A few weeks ago, I was spending time with the Lord and about to start my guided journal. I said out loud, “I am struggling with the struggle. Father, I struggle to struggle. Lord, I do not like struggling. LORD I AM STRUGGLING!”

Upon saying those sentences repeatedly, I opened my journal to the first page and to my surprise it read “Where did you get the idea that you had to be “put together” in every area of your life? Who defined perfection for you?”

Yea…that led to a stream of tears and the inability to speak sentences due to the ache in my heart. It led to me reliving the reminder that I am not and cannot always be “put together.” Even though I know that the unrealistic pressure I put on myself to be “put together” still shows up once and awhile.

Why?

Because I do not like how struggle feels. I do not like how struggle looks to me. I do not like how struggle looks on me. I do not like always feeling incapable, weak, exhausted, and without an answer. I do not like the struggle of getting out of bed or getting into bed. I do not like the struggle that my mind can only handle one thing today and not the numerous tasks it’s used to completing.

Maybe just maybe…I don’t like the fact that the same prayers, coverings, intercession, and encouragement I provide is now the very thing I need every day to survive.

Yes, me, Lee, is in need of someone’s prayer to get out of bed.

Yes, me, Lee, is in need of someone’s prayer to make it through the workday.

Yes, me, Lee, is in need of someone’s prayer to maintain my emotions.

Yes, me, Lee, is in need of someone’s prayer to have hope for tomorrow.

Yes, me, Lee, I am in need of help.

And not just for today, but I have been in need for months and months. The season of struggle has shown its face and has decided to stay awhile. It has decided to show up in my health, on my job, in my relationships, in my family. Oh yes, it is everywhere I go and look.

This Struggle decided to drive right up to my front door and come in uninvited.

Have you ever experienced this type of struggle? The type of struggle which doesn’t go away by willingness or positive thoughts. The struggle that appeared to leave yesterday evening, but shows up again in the morning. The struggle that weighs on your heart and mind. The struggle that no one sees the tears you carry at the breakfast brunch, during a call, or an event. The struggle that is trying to steal, kill, and disrupt your eternal joy in Christ.

The Struggle.

But My Dear One.

My Beloved One.  

The Chosen One – yes the 99 were left just for you.

If this is you. If you are struggling with the struggle. A few things the Holy Spirit has done for me and will do for you.

First, recognize that some seasons are filled with struggles that there is nothing you can do to get out. I know…that might not seem encouraging, but keep reading.

Some struggles do not require going to bed earlier, positive vibes, doing the things you love, calling your therapist or junk food (Don’t judge. I settle most problems with sugar.).

Some struggles cannot be fought by fighting harder. Some struggles cannot be won through shouting louder. Some struggles cannot be overcome by wishing them away.

Some struggles are truly just that.

A struggle.

A struggle may make you feel like you are failing, figuratively dying, depressed, unsuccessful, bankrupted, unprosperous, languishing, and even like you are declining backwards or down.

A struggle is a real thing and can impact us emotionally, physically, psychologically, financially, spiritually, and socially (to name a few).

But what a struggle is not and will never be. It will never be greater than or more powerful than our risen Savior.

So to you, the beloved and most cherished thing to our Father.

You do not have to like the struggle.

You do not have to enjoy the struggle.

You do not have to accept that in this life you will have struggles, but because of Christ it will not last forever.

But what you must do is not let the struggle consume you because

Lamentations 3:22-24

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

John 1:4-5

4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.

John 10:10

10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Isaiah 41:10, 13

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

13 For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.

We are Struggling with the Struggle, but you and I are MORE THAN CONQUERORS IN CHRIST JESUS!